It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
