Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Randomize
