God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
This girl is more easily done than said...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
