I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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