You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
God I need to hump something, right now.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
