why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
