dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
