He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
