I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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