Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just had sex on a roof
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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