and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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