if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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