If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize