So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
