life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
