My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
