My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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