I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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