I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
