I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
