I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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