the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
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