Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
