I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The uberlube is also flammable
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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