She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
