He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
