i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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