Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
