ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
