Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I intend to get homeless drunk
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize