I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
