literally had 100 drinks last night.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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