I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I wish there were birth control emojis
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Congratulations! We have a period
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