We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.