Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I cut my penus on the lid.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.