Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
we made out on top of his cat.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.