dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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