By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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