I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
