Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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