She is in my trunk
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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