Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
