By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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