so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
