PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
