Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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