Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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