I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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