i think my tv is drunk
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
