how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
