He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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