I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
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He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
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You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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