Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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