Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
