The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize