nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
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My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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