you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
