Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
