I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
