Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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