So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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