Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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