Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Randomize
